Singapore Expats

Curiosity wrote: ↑

Sat, 17 Sep 2022 1:43 pm

What about this one? This is my own experience months ago

I dated this man few times and I found out that he is married and have kids (stupid of me )
When I asked him, why would he cheat? he said it is an experience, a journey of an adventure, for me, not him. To my opinion, he didn't answer my question.

I asked, what if I want more not just date, but commitment, life partner, etc and he said about following his heart. Again, no direct answer to my opinion.

To your opnion, what is his reason of cheating? Is it ego?

My 2 cents:

Firstly, it is very natural for both men and women to sexually desire other people than your very own partner/bf/gf. Perhaps besides the very initial stage were you both just fell in love and are crazy and blindly fascinated about yourself. All other cases boil down to self-control, honesty/integrity and avoidance of situations where you could be tempted beyond the self-control thing. When you hear somebody saying, that under no circumstance he or she will not cheat on their partners, this is a complete BS. Such person may believe in it of course but it does not mean he would be resistant if the right circumstances arrive. One good example, I read about some time ago, if you have a sister, the chances your husband/partner will cheat on you with her is like 40%. That's a lot, and the obvious reason here, this is basically an opportunity with the contacts/situations difficult to avoid.

So if you think about any relation from that perspective, you basically need (1) right person, (2) be in a good, healthy relationship. If either 1 or 2 has some problems, well, here it goes. I realize it's a cliche, but I think it's still comes to these 2 basic things. A married man not telling you upfront he is married, is not a honest person. Your 30yo bf, cheating on you with the assumption, you are ok with it, is not the right person neither. Married colleagues at work, it is probably enough they share very little with their wives other than living space and kids. Besides, you know nothing about their situation at home, so I think you should not really judge them. Perhaps their wives are also not really saints? Or their made wrong choices marrying such men, or or or.. could be many things.

I can only hope my colleague can and will work it out with his wife, also, I hope I would meet the right guy and have a healthy relationship with him too. I don't think I can bear another disappointment at my age My grey hair probably will take over my head sooner than it supposes to.

Happy Sunday to everyone

https://open.spotify.com/track/5Lxl2L9W ... 5fbc084b70

Another relevant Kenny Rogers song.

A favourite memory is seeing him live in Singapore about 5 years ago.

Yes, It was an excellent but sad concert knowing of his health issues and the fact that he never got to finish that tour due to those issues catching up with him.

One of the '000's of my collection. Been in my collection from new (1978) but only on a belt one night (that concert)......

Good Choice on the song. For Yank & Aussies of my age, Ruby hit's home hardest.
https://open.spotify.com/track/3MoCJ7TO ... a9b34d4601
I have his first album released before he went on his own (Ruby was made with his band "The First Edition" While still in Austin, TX back in 1969. Ruby was on that Album. I was back from the NAM just over one year.

Ruby's a is a good song but more for "Why women cheat" thread.

A more contemporary song on this topic: https://youtu.be/7EqnoEljHCw

Curiosity wrote: ↑

Sun, 18 Sep 2022 1:47 pm

I can only hope my colleague can and will work it out with his wife, also, I hope I would meet the right guy and have a healthy relationship with him too. I don't think I can bear another disappointment at my age My grey hair probably will take over my head sooner than it supposes to.

Happy Sunday to everyone

Most of the good men are gone by ~30. The ones left over are mostly those with issues - excluding @TheRef - and if they become available they are snatched up quickly by the circling vultures.

You may as well take up cat herding.

PNGMK wrote: ↑

Mon, 19 Sep 2022 10:36 am

Curiosity wrote: ↑

Sun, 18 Sep 2022 1:47 pm

I can only hope my colleague can and will work it out with his wife, also, I hope I would meet the right guy and have a healthy relationship with him too. I don't think I can bear another disappointment at my age My grey hair probably will take over my head sooner than it supposes to.

Happy Sunday to everyone

Most of the good men are gone by ~30. The ones left over are mostly those with issues - excluding @TheRef - and if they become available they are snatched up quickly by the circling vultures.

You may as well take up cat herding.
herd-cats.gif

I would say for women, it’s even an earlier age, the good ones tend to all be “taken” by their mid-20’s. There are always exceptions of course, but it’s generally true.

Singapore might have more exceptions, but follows similar lines. Part of the reason you find more exceptions here is because the guys have different expectations and the other reason is because nowadays girl’s education and career take priority.

Back when I was looking for a lifelong partner, if I use a car analogy: I wasn’t looking for a Ferrari, I was looking for a reliable Honda. I noticed that my Indian friends (at least the smart ones) who get arranged marriages do the exact same thing — they don’t look for the hot Bollywood babe, they look for a decent woman, with good upbringing, one that is reliable and trustworthy beyond any doubts.

Maybe it was my upbringing, but the idea of my parents ever getting divorced or cheating on each other is simply unthinkable/unimaginable. I can say with 100% certainty, it would never happen, period. Every girl I ever dated prior to my wife… they ended up marrying and getting divorced. Did I ever feel like I could trust them completely? No. They were not bad people, it was just something in their personality or character that was a little off, and that made me wary enough not to pursue anything more with them, despite any other feelings.

I understand Mal. One of my key indicators of a woman I would NEVER marry was if she had aborted a child previously (apart from where medically indicated). I was fortunate to find RED at 40. As you say the good women are gone by their 20s as they finish their MRS degree at college.

Rarely there are women who are reliable as a Honda and as sporty as a Ferrari but rarely available to those who can only afford Minis

Rarely there are women who are reliable as a Honda and as sporty as a Ferrari but rarely available to those who can only afford Minis
[/quote]

are you referring to those high maintenance ladies?

High maintenance ladies can come as any model - the characteristic is they expect others to do their maintenance.

PNGMK wrote: ↑

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 9:05 am

High maintenance ladies can come as any model - the characteristic is they expect others to do their maintenance.

U guys shd count urselves lucky that ur women were willing to marry guys who compare them to car brands.

midlet2013 wrote: ↑

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 11:57 am

PNGMK wrote: ↑

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 9:05 am

High maintenance ladies can come as any model - the characteristic is they expect others to do their maintenance.

U guys shd count urselves lucky that ur women were willing to marry guys who compare them to car brands.

You should hear what they compare us to…

Yes.

PNGMK wrote: ↑

Thu, 22 Sep 2022 9:05 am

High maintenance ladies can come as any model - the characteristic is they expect others to do their maintenance.

Hmm...

Assuming I understand this "the characteristic is they expect others to do their maintenance", I suppose maybe my ex cheated because I didn't give him the opportunity to do the maintenance