Muslim women who won't shake your hand.
Posted: Thu, 22 Oct 2015 8:24 pm
This issue occurred (again) just yesterday, and it really took me by surprise. I have encountered it before (several times) in Asia, but it has usually been amongst the more conservative/traditional and usually notably older generation.
For example an early encounter was when I was the best-man to a friend, who was marrying a Malay Muslim at a ceremony in KL. I was in the greeting line at the entrance to the reception hall, and so as people filed in I got to shake a the hand of a few hundred guests. I had been fore-warned that some of the older/trad 'aunties' wouldn't shake hands and not to offer my hand to such people, unless they initiated the gesture. Fair enough, that worked fine.
I think what surprised me yesterday was that I simply wasn't expecting it. The person was significantly younger (maybe late 20s), she clearly been exposed to the West long enough to speak immaculate almost accent-free English, we're not in Asia/Middle East right now, she's the wife of a colleague (who I've met several times) of my wife, plus they even live in the same condo. Yesterday was the first time I met her. So when I was introduced I by reflex action held out my hand. Then there is that painfully awkward moment when it's not reciprocated and you're standing there wondering why, and you feel embarrassed and/or stupid, and perhaps somewhat annoyed too... their beliefs trump your social comfort.
So, it took me by surprise and left me irritated. Their parting line of 'You must come to dinner soon' left me thinking what a bundle of laughs that evening pretty clearly wouldn't be. Anyway, it's not something I've thought about for years, so I wanted to look into it again to help reconcile my irritation.
I found this article pretty useful, it deals with specifically this question of why/how/who?
http://newamericamedia.org/2014/04/loca ... te-sex.php
Excerpt:
---------
'"It's a very awkward situation when you disrespect someone when they have their hand extended. I believe God is merciful, and I believe he will understand my reasons and that my intentions are not impure. I don't have that fear that God is going to judge me because I shook somebody's hand, when I only did so to not allow a person to have a negative feeling towards me," Amen added.
However, Amen notes that in the last year she has decided to enforce the rule upon herself, after performing the Hajj in 2013. Amen says she no longer wants to shake hands with community members of the opposite sex, because she expects them to already know the rules.
"Since going to Hajj, I've tried my best to avoid it and I find that people get offended. I've had to make a disclaimer where I would say handshaking has to stop. It's been interesting because the Muslim community members have been giving me a headache about it," Amen adds.
The Islamic prohibition against shaking hands with the opposite sex has been a point of debate as of late. The subject has generated discussion on Facebook and even became a point in a recent news report on a local radio station.
Some who have criticized the prohibition note that the rules don't seem to be equally enforced. Muslim women are expected to put their hands on their heart, but Muslim men always seem to get a free pass if they decide to shake hands with the opposite sex.
Others who argue against the practice also tend to point out that the Quran doesn't specifically state that members of the opposite sex shouldn't partake in a handshake.
According to local religious scholars, the first argument is completely false, while the second is technically true.
Some verses in the Quran, along with hadiths of the Prophet Muhammad, touch on the subject of opposite sex interaction from a male's perspective.
One hadith even translates as: "It is better for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle than to touch the hand of a woman who is not permissible to you."
Imam Abdul Latif Berry, leader of a religious authority in the U.S., says the only time members of the opposite sex should come in contact is when one is facing hardship and needs assistance.' [continues...]
For example an early encounter was when I was the best-man to a friend, who was marrying a Malay Muslim at a ceremony in KL. I was in the greeting line at the entrance to the reception hall, and so as people filed in I got to shake a the hand of a few hundred guests. I had been fore-warned that some of the older/trad 'aunties' wouldn't shake hands and not to offer my hand to such people, unless they initiated the gesture. Fair enough, that worked fine.
I think what surprised me yesterday was that I simply wasn't expecting it. The person was significantly younger (maybe late 20s), she clearly been exposed to the West long enough to speak immaculate almost accent-free English, we're not in Asia/Middle East right now, she's the wife of a colleague (who I've met several times) of my wife, plus they even live in the same condo. Yesterday was the first time I met her. So when I was introduced I by reflex action held out my hand. Then there is that painfully awkward moment when it's not reciprocated and you're standing there wondering why, and you feel embarrassed and/or stupid, and perhaps somewhat annoyed too... their beliefs trump your social comfort.
So, it took me by surprise and left me irritated. Their parting line of 'You must come to dinner soon' left me thinking what a bundle of laughs that evening pretty clearly wouldn't be. Anyway, it's not something I've thought about for years, so I wanted to look into it again to help reconcile my irritation.
I found this article pretty useful, it deals with specifically this question of why/how/who?
http://newamericamedia.org/2014/04/loca ... te-sex.php
Excerpt:
---------
'"It's a very awkward situation when you disrespect someone when they have their hand extended. I believe God is merciful, and I believe he will understand my reasons and that my intentions are not impure. I don't have that fear that God is going to judge me because I shook somebody's hand, when I only did so to not allow a person to have a negative feeling towards me," Amen added.
However, Amen notes that in the last year she has decided to enforce the rule upon herself, after performing the Hajj in 2013. Amen says she no longer wants to shake hands with community members of the opposite sex, because she expects them to already know the rules.
"Since going to Hajj, I've tried my best to avoid it and I find that people get offended. I've had to make a disclaimer where I would say handshaking has to stop. It's been interesting because the Muslim community members have been giving me a headache about it," Amen adds.
The Islamic prohibition against shaking hands with the opposite sex has been a point of debate as of late. The subject has generated discussion on Facebook and even became a point in a recent news report on a local radio station.
Some who have criticized the prohibition note that the rules don't seem to be equally enforced. Muslim women are expected to put their hands on their heart, but Muslim men always seem to get a free pass if they decide to shake hands with the opposite sex.
Others who argue against the practice also tend to point out that the Quran doesn't specifically state that members of the opposite sex shouldn't partake in a handshake.
According to local religious scholars, the first argument is completely false, while the second is technically true.
Some verses in the Quran, along with hadiths of the Prophet Muhammad, touch on the subject of opposite sex interaction from a male's perspective.
One hadith even translates as: "It is better for you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle than to touch the hand of a woman who is not permissible to you."
Imam Abdul Latif Berry, leader of a religious authority in the U.S., says the only time members of the opposite sex should come in contact is when one is facing hardship and needs assistance.' [continues...]
