Singapore Expats

Picture perfect

A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."

One hungry Bush... 8)

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.
Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."


Riding in Cars With Boys

Three boys were sitting on some steps watching cars go by. They see a Cadillac Escalade drive by and the first boy says, "I wish i could have that Cadillac. The second boy says, "I wish I could have that Lincoln Navigator behind it. The third boy says, "i wish my whole body was covered in curly hair because my sister has a small patch between her legs and that is how she got both of those cars.


Intelligent Quotes

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. 8)


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.


"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President


" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President


"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery


“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.”

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins
to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up .The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

haha. thanks guys.~

A sixteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!! He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name; they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars." "Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
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chocoswiss wrote:A sixteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!! He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. "I don't know her name; they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars." "Oh my Goodness," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
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Nothing to get all exicited about, it is another copied material. Plagiarizm and nothing else.

Your words???? wrote: Nothing to get all exicited about, it is another copied material. Plagiarizm and nothing else.

Most of us around here would know the jokes are copied from another source, it's only posted for our reading pleasure.

Hahahahahahaha....................hehe

Your words??? :
sorry if u got offended but stefania is right.......i did not make up that joke but i saw it, liked it and posted it..... do u think all those ppl who post jokes over the net make them up?? many of the jokes i post are those i hear from my dad and from generations passed down......

Your words??? :
sorry if u got offended but stefania is right.......i did not make up that joke but i saw it, liked it and posted it..... do u think all those ppl who post jokes over the net make them up?? many of the jokes i post are those i hear from my dad and from generations passed down

Make up jokes !!!!
Dude 'Your words' would have time for that, I don't. I just go to some Joke sites when I need to cheer up and in the process if i find some to be good I post them here.

So enjoy.............. & of course contribute just like our sweet chocoswiss does

A guy runs a stop sign and gets caught by a policeman.

Cop says, "License and registration, please."

Guy says, "What for?"

Cop says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Guy says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Cop says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop.
License and registration, please."

Guy says, "What's the difference?"

Cop says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete
stop. License and registration, PLEASE!"

Guy says, "If you can show me the difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration."

Cop says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the cop takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the crap out of the guy and says,
"Do you want me to stop OR JUST SLOW DOWN"