Singapore Expats

Subject: FW: IrishMathsTest1 (1)


Irish Maths Test

An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy," and proceeded to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asked.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," said the Irishman.
"Fair enough," said the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratched his head and said, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"


"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."


The boss was getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he said, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."


The Irishman stared into space some more, then he picked up the picture again and made a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."


The boss looked at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the base of each tree and said, "A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."
"So, when do I start?"

I like it even if it is very unPC.

sundaymorningstaple wrote: I like it even if it is very unPC.

Yeah I agree, my wife is still trying to figure it out! she's scratching her head over a turd!

ksl wrote: "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," said the Irishman.

Excuse me! We pronounce our 'aiches'

you sure it's an irish guy and not scotish?

SMS, you know darn good and well that this is an original Cajun joke, ripped off to represent the Irish.

No Irish could even talk this way. This is Looseeanna Cajun all the way.

And if you doubt this, I have a bunch more to prove it, bro.

aye...

Thats the spirit Eagle! For good old fashioned Irish Jokes, the Kerryman Jokes and the '3 Paddy's' Jokes can't be beaten.

Here's a very popular one in the west of Ireland:

WHY PADDY'S NOT AT WORK TODAY (Excuse Note)
(Pat Cooksey)

Dear Sir I write this note to inform you of my plight
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight
My body is all black and blue, my face a deathly gray
I write this note to tell why Paddy's not at work today

While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear
And to throw them down from off the top seemed quite a good idea
But the gaffer wasn't very pleased, he was an awful sod
He said I had to cart them down the ladder in me hod.

Well clearing all those bricks by hand, it seemed so very slow
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
That a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me.

So when I had untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead
I took off like a rocket and to my dismay I found
That half way up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

Well the barrel broke my shoulder as on to the ground it sped
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head
I held on tight, though numb with shock from this almighty blow
And the barrel spilled out half its load fourteen floors below

Now when those building bricks fell from the barrel to the floor
I then outweighed the barrel so I started down once more
I held on tightly to the rope as I flew to the ground
And I landed on those building bricks that were scattered all
around.

Now as I lay there on the deck I thought I'd passed the worst
But when the barrel reached the top, that's when the bottom burst
A shower of bricks came down on me, I knew I had no hope
In all of this confusion, I let go the bloody rope.

The barrel being heavier, it started down once more
And landed right on top of me as I lay on the floor
It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say
That I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.


This was put to music - I nearly died laughing when I first heard it.

This should be a parody of the twelve days of Chrismtas, from the guy who played Fr. Jack in 'Fr. Ted' - I've no speakers on my PC, so I'm guessing that is what it is - forgive me if it isn't!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQkF7fpw-wI


Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scottishman and Paddy Irishman". were on a plane that was about to crash and the pilot said to do something religious before they die.
Paddy Scottishman said the Lord's Prayer.
Paddy Englishman sang Amazing Grace.
Paddy Irishman took his cap off and went round and took the collection.

More to come...

If anyone's looking for the "Why Paddy's Not At Work" song, it was set to music and sung by the Scottish folk group The Corries, titled "The Bricklayer's Song". And yes, very amusing.

Strong Eagle wrote: No Irish could even talk this way.

You obviously haven't met many Irish.

Turtle wrote:If anyone's looking for the "Why Paddy's Not At Work" song, it was set to music and sung by the Scottish folk group The Corries, titled "The Bricklayer's Song". And yes, very amusing.

Also known as murphy and the bricks a version can be herd here http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fu ... =275308264

I have a copy of an earlier Version in MP3 but cant post it on here ...if anyone wants message me