Singapore Expats

hi i am getting married and we are only having 28 guests (30 including us). working out the seating plan is very hard. i had wanted one long table so everyone can mingle together, but the restaurant has come back to us and said we cannot do that for some reason - we can only have round tables. the difficulty is there is only 5 people in the bridal party which makes for a very small head table (and none of the bridesmaids/best man have partners so we can't add them to the head table). in my family there is only my parents, no other family members. in my fiance's family, there is 6 members. i think putting my parents with his family would probably be boring for them. then there are 3 different groups of friends, all of different sizes (8, 5, 6). plus i would rather sit with my friends than just on a small table of 5. what to do....?

jjcp wrote:hi i am getting married and we are only having 28 guests (30 including us). working out the seating plan is very hard. i had wanted one long table so everyone can mingle together, but the restaurant has come back to us and said we cannot do that for some reason - we can only have round tables. the difficulty is there is only 5 people in the bridal party which makes for a very small head table (and none of the bridesmaids/best man have partners so we can't add them to the head table). in my family there is only my parents, no other family members. in my fiance's family, there is 6 members. i think putting my parents with his family would probably be boring for them. then there are 3 different groups of friends, all of different sizes (8, 5, 6). plus i would rather sit with my friends than just on a small table of 5. what to do....?

You are not Chinese are you! Anyway all i can say is that the Chinese round tables can be extended, to seat many more than 5, try 10 or 12 per table. Try to mix the family tables on an even basis, one couple from each family...You should be sitting on the same table as his parents and yours...with aunties & uncles too...Children should be on a table for children if they are going... and your friends mixed, with his friends, so that they can communicate.....There is time for all to mix, and after the meal, when its time to leave, stand at the exit and you and your hubby shake their hands and thank them for coming...

Although it is different for different Cultures, I don't have to remind you of that....but the main problem is sseating arrangements, which really shouldn't be a problem!

In my very bigoted view, it's quite simple:

Head table: you two and your families = 10

Other two tables: 10 people each. One for bride's friends, one for groom's friends.

You should certainly sit with your parents out of respect. After all they birthed you, brought you up through your difficult years, financed your studies etc. It's irrelevant if you would enjoy being with your friends more. It's just not right to sit with them rather than your folks.

surely if it is your wedding day, people will sit where they are placed and be only too grateful to share your happy day with you....regardless of where they sit?

Its not what my guests will think, its me - I want everyone to have a great time and I also want to have a great time! Perhaps I should sit with my family out of respect... But one problem is that the bridal party (= 5) plus my parents (= 2) plus his family (=6) is too big for a head table, and besides we are closer to our friends than to his brothers/sisters.

Do you think it is ok to have 5 tables of between 5 - 7 people?

jjcp wrote:Its not what my guests will think, its me - I want everyone to have a great time and I also want to have a great time! Perhaps I should sit with my family out of respect... But one problem is that the bridal party (= 5) plus my parents (= 2) plus his family (=6) is too big for a head table, and besides we are closer to our friends than to his brothers/sisters.

Do you think it is ok to have 5 tables of between 5 - 7 people?

Personally I think it's not ok that your parents and his are not at the head table. The 'bridal party', meaning the bridesmaid and best man I guess, can be at another table, why should they replace your parents as the most important guests?

Alternatively the bridal party and the two sets of parents at the head table. The brothers and sisters with the other guests. Really, if your guests are true friends, they won't mind who they sit with at your big event.

If you want everyone to be happy, then what about your parents? Will they feel happier at the head table as guests of honor, or at some other table as ordinary guests? I would have thought this was obvious.

People will have a good time....a great time....it's a wedding!
If having a good time depends on where they sit...
Sounds like you worry too much....we can not control other people.
You should be thinking of you and your partner and trying to make the most of the day....hopefully you will only get to do it once, so make sure YOU enjoy it and the rest will look after them selves!
I had a small wedding in Scotland...I had step mum, my mum, step sister, step grandparents all to contend with...but we concentrated on our day and I am sure all the rest had a good day.
Good job you are not having it in Scotland as the average wedding has a fight break out apparently....we could not have been part of the average!
Really, just go and have a great day.

Wind In My Hair wrote:

jjcp wrote:Its not what my guests will think, its me - I want everyone to have a great time and I also want to have a great time! Perhaps I should sit with my family out of respect... But one problem is that the bridal party (= 5) plus my parents (= 2) plus his family (=6) is too big for a head table, and besides we are closer to our friends than to his brothers/sisters.

Do you think it is ok to have 5 tables of between 5 - 7 people?

Personally I think it's not ok that your parents and his are not at the head table. The 'bridal party', meaning the bridesmaid and best man I guess, can be at another table, why should they replace your parents as the most important guests?

Alternatively the bridal party and the two sets of parents at the head table. The brothers and sisters with the other guests. Really, if your guests are true friends, they won't mind who they sit with at your big event.

If you want everyone to be happy, then what about your parents? Will they feel happier at the head table as guests of honor, or at some other table as ordinary guests? I would have thought this was obvious.

Well said WIMH! Tradition must be upheld out of pure respect for parents of both parties....best man goes on another table if there is no room! Bridal party! You must consider, after you have seated your parents and his at the head table, along with you and your hubby, that makes 6 people, if the restaurant cannot cater for 6 people on one table, I suggest you go to the hawker centre. (Not Really)

Thanks for your advice WIMH and KSL. But to be honest I am very surprised that you are both so set in 'tradition'. Perhaps it is a cultural thing I am not sure. We are Aussies and we're having a very casual, informal wedding. In fact, my fiance and I are paying for the wedding. While my parents did offer to pay, his parents did not offer to assist. So I think there can be flexibility with tradition.

jjcp wrote:Thanks for your advice WIMH and KSL. But to be honest I am very surprised that you are both so set in 'tradition'. Perhaps it is a cultural thing I am not sure. We are Aussies and we're having a very casual, informal wedding. In fact, my fiance and I are paying for the wedding. While my parents did offer to pay, his parents did not offer to assist. So I think there can be flexibility with tradition.

Well that's fine, I guess it takes all kinds! Can't help feeling sorry for the heads of family.....I guess, there will be a payback call, when its time to transend, to the next life, like when the will & testament of parents, is left to the ones who cared about them, it is all a matter of respect...and even though you are not the first people to arrange a wedding like this, it does appear to reflect, your disrespect not for tradition, but for your parents.

It's a sad old day I'm afraid, I can remember, when i first got married, that we were so young, that we didn't listen to our parents at the time, our church wedding was canceled in the last week, after the bans had been read, for personal reasons, she had been unfaithful, while I was away!

My own mother was not against, the marriage, but always said to me, I was a silly buggar and too young, to believe, that the woman i was about to marry could change her ways...My mother was right, god bless her!

We just ran off and got married 6 months later, without telling anyone, because i was stationed abroad and i thought love was when you could feel your heart broken, I can tell you, its not love, its ego with brains in the penis, even after being divorced for 30 years, I still reflect on the stupidity of not taking my mothers advice.

It has never been forgotten, by my ex wifes parents, that we never invited them, and it caused so much trouble, that when my childrens grandad, past away, he left certain things in the will & testament, to the children...Of course, the wife refused to let the children have them, because her daughter, went against the parents wishes, for a church wedding.

It's your call, and it certainly doesn't bother anyone else, but yourselves, So I'll say good luck, because you will need all the luck in the world, because love is quite often blinded by wants & needs.

I'm a great believer in making a commitment, based on a more grounded platform, these days, called commonsense to do the right things, that are expected of me! I've had my wild days, and learnt that it was a very costly experience not only for me, but also for my two children, who suffered even more.......Ego's have to be satisfied I guess

his parents did not offer to assist. So I think there can be flexibility with tradition.

I think you know more than we do, now I am wondering why you posted in the first place and what are really the problems! Doomed to disaster for the sake of ego and a good party, is also a good lesson learnt!

jjcp wrote:Thanks for your advice WIMH and KSL. But to be honest I am very surprised that you are both so set in 'tradition'. Perhaps it is a cultural thing I am not sure. We are Aussies and we're having a very casual, informal wedding. In fact, my fiance and I are paying for the wedding. While my parents did offer to pay, his parents did not offer to assist. So I think there can be flexibility with tradition.

Then why not forgo the seating plan and a sit-down dinner all together and have an elegant cocktail party with tons of food and no set seating? This was how I planned my own reception and it worked out very well. We did have a head table (really just for photo opportunities and toasts), and lots of other tables & chairs with centerpieces so guests could sit down and eat, but they were able to dance and mingle much more easily that way.

I would say at about half of the weddings I've been to, the parents have not sat at the head table, just the wedding party. The head table is not great for conversation, as many times the seating is just on one side of the table, almost like sitting at a bar. I think a traditional seating plan might seem very forced for your intimate gathering. I'd make those small numbers work for you by doing things you couldn't ordinarily do with a bigger party -- individual favors, a quick individual portrait of each guest -- I don't know... but get creative and make it your day.

I'd also go back to the restaurant and ask them why you can't have a long table -- it might just be that you have to rent them yourselves and the cloths, which is very cheap indeed. They might not actually have the equipment and it's easier to say know.

It's your day -- do it the way you want to.

Hi
We had a small wedding with about the same number of guests and in a restaurant, we didnt have seating plan everyone sat where they chose and it was very relaxed and a great night, i wouldnt stress about seating people always move after dinner anyway.

I agree with road.not.taken, It's your day not your parents so just do what you want to do. I had a similar issue for my wedding and we decided to have our parents at another table with their friends and family and the bridal party and some close friends at our table. It made the evening a lot more enjoyable as the people at each table had more in common to talk about. I fully agree that you need to pay your parents all the respect that they deserve so I would consult them before making a decision but in my opinion you should do what ever makes you happy.

There are plenty of other ways to show your respect to your parents without the forced contrivance of a head table. Good luck and mazel tov!

i had 22 people at my wedding. divided into two tables. we sat people next to other people who (whom?) we thought they'd get along with. i sat at one table, my husband at the other. halfway through the night, we swapped. we didnt have any wedding party. could you do something like that?