Singapore Expats

out of anger, I slapped the girl that I truly love, twice.
and this isn't the first time. 3rd time.
her whole family hates me now.


she has removed her facebook,msn.
and she is not picking up her phone at all.
I have been feeling so terrible.
what have i done to the person that I love?
wtf was I thinking?
I let jealousy got the better of me. I lost my mind when she said she'd rather date another guy, which, I thought afterwards, probably were mere angry words.
I have been apologizing on sms.
I have been calling her mum to apologize but her mum just tells me to get lost.
I called her dad also. it was slightly better. but he hanged up the call half-way as he was in the midst of something.

I know it sounds quite impossible
but I'd do anything to be forgiven by her.

really don't what to do.

I would hope for her sake she's written you off completely. Three times is three times too many. Sounds like you need anger management, pronto. It doesn't matter what she said to provoke you, you can't slap your girlfriend. Do not call her parents, unless it is to say -- I'm sorry for what I did, I'm going to get professional help to help control my anger.' They would be bad parents if they let you back into her life with out some very big changes on your part. Go get some help.

Right on, r.n.t. OP, you fit the classic profile of an abuser. You don't know 'why' you did it, you regret it afterwards, yet you did it again... and again.

And, in the classic profile of the abuser you will do it again... and again... and become more severe. Any woman actually unfortunate enough to form a relationship with you will be in harm's way.

Your issue is anger management, yes... but more importantly... control. Get help, now.

matt9904 wrote:I know it sounds quite impossible
but I'd do anything to be forgiven by her.

really don't what to do.

Easy, stop bugging her if you really love her. In your heart you probably know she was right to leave you, and it's for her own good.

It's also very possible for her to forgive you yet never get back with you, or even talk to you again. Forgiving a person does not mean you have to be with that person ever after. It just means she has no hatred for you and wishes you well in your life, because she has let go of her own hurt.

I think what you want is not her forgiveness, but for her to come back to you. It's not her that you miss, but something else that the relationship gave you - a sense of ownership or control or whatever. This is not love, but selfishness.

Sometimes a break-up is what we need to come to our senses and turn over a new leaf. Why not use this as a wake-up call to turn your life around? Then you may one day be happier than you ever were with her. Take heart, all is not lost. This is your chance to start again - not with her, but with yourself.

You're an arsehole bully who can't control his anger and is incapable of communication and respect.

You're lucky that she hasn't reported you to the police . . . I would suggest she does if she is stupid enough and gives you another chance.

I believe this is a troll . . . first post and the content . . .

How could you bear to hurt her physically, when you know she is the one you truely love?

You need help on anger management. If you really love her, you gotta get urself fix up.. coz this is the root cause.

I guess you are feeling pretty low after the flaming, although you do deserve it.

jealousy is the route of all problems of abuse, and the problem is yourself.

You really do have to work hard with yourself, to win over jealousy, it's a sickness that many people have, I was once jealous for quite a long time, until I took the initiative to get out of the relationship, it was after my divorce so I already had experience of hurt too, I was kind of infatuated with this young lady, but we argued over the fact that i didn't want to get engaged, i needed time, although i was crazy about her, that I did have to admit to myself it was a sickness, and the only way was out. I decided it wasn't time to love anyone, until I could handle my own emotions, and the only way of doing that is to be alone, until you come to terms with loneliness and yourself.

Far too many bounce from one relationship to another, without dealing with the issue of jealousy, my son was the same, and at one time, he discussed it with me, he was afraid of being hurt, and losing something he loved, breakups are very stressful and rated almost the same has losing a close family member by death.

The only way to deal with it, is to realise those feelings are not true feelings of love, but an underlying fear you have of losing, probably control.

Many threaten their girls with violence to keep the relationship going, it is like SE say's the sign of a dedicated abuser, a sick mother f who needs professional help, so get help if you cannot deal with it.

First you get on tranquillisers to cool your temper, all the apologising is bullshit and you know it! So once you have apologised, tell her parent's you are getting out of her life until you have dealt with your problems, if she loves you she will wait, however how the hell can anyone love an abuser, I'll never know, but these relationships do continue.

I should know because i had seen my own father and mother fight like cat & dog for the best part of 35 years, they were both jealous of each other, both politically ideologists and different religions, the womaniser and the snoop, they hated each other yet died almost days of each other, so a very strong bond was present.

My father left my mum long before the divorce, but couldn't stop visiting, he eventually remarried a woman with the same name, lived in the same house number, they were both violent if tempers were lost, and i never forget the days we walked the streets, because of no home..... I settled the score when i was 18 with my father.

Don't ever believe you are cured of your abuse, until you can give everything you own away, learn the hard way, to possess anything is not love, but ego, have faith in something higher than the devil, for the devil walks within us all alongside god, whoever he/she maybe, so it's the good V's the bad and that's all their is too it. Deal with it!

I managed to work with myself, but it took me 23 years of single life, to realise, it's better to be single....although i go with the flow, and i love and respect all women, gods gift to man but keep away from the apple it's posion get your own orchard and self confidence

you guys are absolutely right.
I have been mocking myself too
what a freaking loser.
beating up a woman.

thank you ksl for sharing your story.

however, I wish to say I am no "abuser"
I hate violence and i believe I behave most of the time.

yea, gonna get councelor. thanks guys.

Vaucluse wrote:You're an arsehole bully who can't control his anger and is incapable of communication and respect.

You're lucky that she hasn't reported you to the police . . . I would suggest she does if she is stupid enough and gives you another chance.

I believe this is a troll . . . first post and the content . . .

nope, it is not a troll.
and yea if she does report me, I'd feel better.
i think i fking deserve it.

matt9904 wrote:
however, I wish to say I am no "abuser"
I hate violence and i believe I behave most of the time.

You are absolutely an abuser, and a dangerous one at that - you're in total denial and have actually tried to justify your actions. (You were angry that she'd said she wanted to date another guy?)

You're damned lucky she's not in my family, is all I can say. I would've called the police and had your violent, abusing, pathetic arse arrested for assault.

And after recieving no understanding anywhere else you come here hoping there's a remote chance somebody will sympathise and make you feel better / slightly less worse ...

Get help

you need anger management classes...

3 times is just too much!
she should have left you by the 2nd time.
why did she even wait till the 3rd time to do that?

matt9904 wrote:out of anger, I slapped the girl that I truly love, twice.
and this isn't the first time. 3rd time.
her whole family hates me now.


she has removed her facebook,msn.
and she is not picking up her phone at all.
I have been feeling so terrible.
what have i done to the person that I love?
wtf was I thinking?
I let jealousy got the better of me. I lost my mind when she said she'd rather date another guy, which, I thought afterwards, probably were mere angry words.
I have been apologizing on sms.
I have been calling her mum to apologize but her mum just tells me to get lost.
I called her dad also. it was slightly better. but he hanged up the call half-way as he was in the midst of something.

I know it sounds quite impossible
but I'd do anything to be forgiven by her.

really don't what to do.

I so wish they had mandatory caning for domestic abuse...

Come to her again, and shown that you already change your attitude, give her some impression. try, try and try.... she will comeback to you...

stevenchan wrote:Come to her again, and shown that you already change your attitude, give her some impression. try, try and try.... she will comeback to you...

stevenchan wrote:Come to her again, and shown that you already change your attitude, give her some impression. try, try and try.... she will comeback to you...

No she won't- unless she's a moron.
OP It's time not only to get professional help but to give yourself some punishment.
Say to yourself: I have done the wrong thing 3 times. For this, my punishment could be:
1. No dating any girl for 12 months from today.
2. No contact at all ever again with the girl you have hurt so badly, except for a snail-mail letter (no email no sms)apologising profoundly for your repeated physical abuse and promising not to harrass her further.
3. Weekly unexpected acts of service for your parents or grandparents etc where you are giving up your time to show that you are a gentleman.

Think of some more- be a man. Make it your new code of conduct that physical aggression is off limits.

I feel sorry for you but sorrier for your girlfriend.