SINexpat wrote:grumpy, the problem is that by "doing what I do at home" I won't connect with many people outside of work. We'll see how it goes after I move into my
condo.
I shudder to think I may have to try the online thing. I find the locals all have very small circles of friends, etc so have to get exposed to people with similar interests.
IIRC this topic has been touched on before. At the risk of repeating myself, a few thoughts/observations:
- It is difficult to make friends outside of work
-- A lot of people work long hours, and hence don't have a great deal of time for socialising. Those few spare hours tend to go towards, hanging out with your colleagues after work, few non-work friends*, and family.
- Life can be quite compartmentalised here. I believe that at times you consciously have to make time for recreation. I don't believe the western concept of work/life balance has arrived on these shores yet!
-- A major leg-up is to participate in shared social activities. 'Birds of a feather flock together' as they say. That could be sports based (hiking, sailing, SCUBA, horse-riding etc), cookery (example: Sunrice Cooking School), wine tasting, and so on. (I've been on cooking classes here, and they're so short and intense, IME they're not a place to make friends. What works better is an activity where afterwards you have a bit of shared down-time, to relax, have a beer and perhaps a meal. That (IME) is when you start hooking up with people. That said it's still not easy!)
- Life here for expats is transient. 'Here today gone tomorrow'. People are often not keen to invest spare time in people who perhaps won't be here next month.
- I've had very different experiences in making friends within
condos in which I have lived.
-- The first place I lived I made a group of perhaps a dozen friends. This all begun from hanging out poolside and sharing a few beers one day. We were quite a diverse group, aged c25-c60, Brit, American, Canadian, Scandi, ANZ, Malaysian, Japanese (wow, note to self: yes, no locals!). A hard-core from within that group, maybe 5-6 also went out on the town too.
--- 2nd place, was much bigger (suburban, not central). I don't think I got to meet anyone there, not even to have a briefest of chats. I've recounted before one expat giving me a stoney silent 'death-glare' after I greeted him in the condo lift! In general terms I don't believe people wish or expect to make friends of their neighbours.
---- 3rd place. Similar to the previous. However we did have a very friendly neighbour, Malaysian, with an Aussie boyfriend. But they moved out about 2 weeks after we arrived! :-p
I've posted about online dating too. IIRC a relevant search-string might be 'f***-and-chuck' hehe... It is a ghastly dehumanising process for anyone with hopes and expectations.
So, for me, shared social activities is the way to go. If you can find one that attracts other 'people like you', and incorporates some down-time for hanging out and socialising all the better. That's one reason why diving works for me, as underwater it doesn't matter who you are or what job you have, it's a genuine leveller
You get to hang-out at day end with people from all walks of life/countries, often people who perhaps tend to have seen a bit more of the world than average: It naturally lends itself to some very interesting discussions!
Unfortunately I don't know of any dive clubs in Singapore. There was (years ago) a dive shop on Beach Road that was touting a social side/club, but as I recall it was just a rather egregious and short-lived money-making venture on their part.
Sitting on the back-deck of a dive centre in Tioman/Lembeh/Malapascua/Lombok, 5pm, diving done, sun heading for the horizon... writing up the log-book, sharing observations and notes with fellow divers. Popping a beer... the final piece of the puzzle being transforming 'holiday friends' into real-life ones
* In my experience, SGns do appear to keep quite small, but tight, social circles.
