Women and cheating

[YF]

Well, in my case at least, she didn't cheat because I wasn't treating her well. I treated her great--but she knows that now, and thats why I was able to move and and she wasn't.

I also think cheating is not about the other person its about you. I think its a crock to "blame" it on the other person. If its not working, fix it or break up with them, don't cheat.

I would be interested in hearing what percentage of the girls are cheating on the BFs. Kind of for future reference. I am a bit jaded at the moment, and I imagine I will be pretty apprehensive for a long time. You know whats going to happen, the next girl is going to say, "Why don't you trust me" and I will tell her the story, and she will say "But i'm not her". Don't they always say that?

[Wind In My Hair]

Don't you think she is right though? Every woman is different. Men too. I've had men lie to me or break their promises. Does that mean every man I meet in future will do the same? Of course not. Still, it's natural to feel jaded. Give it time to heal.

If your next girl is going to be faithful, then your mistrust will only sabotage your relationship. If she is going to cheat, your mistrust will not stop her. I know it's difficult, but the only thing you can do is give her your trust and if she breaks it, then at least you know that she is not worthy of you.

[YF]

True, I guess I would just like some tell-tale signs. I said before, I think it is usually prety obvious which guys will cheat and which ones wont. I can usually tell. That said, I really do think it is harder to know with girls.

The other thing is, is that girls have it easier. Since guys mostly have to do the chasing. If something is going to happen the guy is going to have intentions from the begining. A girl on the otherhand will often be chased: "Oh its just lunch, oh its just dinner, oh its just drinks", and then "oh it just happened!"

[Wind In My Hair]

Pray tell, for the benefit of us clueless trusting girls, how do you tell if a man is the cheating kind? You said it is "obvious"...

I'm not sure if cheating women have a type, but I think if a woman is clearly unhappy in a relationship the temptation to cheat is much stronger. Happy women don't go looking for affairs, I don't think we are built that way.

[YF]

How to tell if the guys is the cheating kind...Well these are some of the signs I would look for. You would need to add them up to get a more complete picture. As well, I can only say about North American guys; I don't know if there is a cultural difference or not.

This is normally something you get an overall "feel" for but I will try to break it down into something tangible.

(1) Does he have a lot of vices? Gambling, smoking, drinking, drugs. I found addictive personalities are more likely to cheat as they have less self control

(2) Is the guy nice to everyone or just girls he likes? If the latter, he will be more likely to cheat. Reasoning: guy who is only nice to girls is probably not genuinly a good guy, but puts on airs. You want to avoid these guys.

(3) Do other guys like him? If so, what kind of friends does he have? Do they trust him? Respect him? Are they quality friends? If yes, you could be okay. If not, you are in trouble.

(4) Try to get a sense of his general moral character. Is he the guy to do sometihng on principle, or iif he can get away with it, will he? Its a slippery slope.

(5) Guys who throw around a lot of money, I found are the cheaters. I think one of the reasons is that they have low self esteem. Sleeping with other girls helps vidicate himself. Of course if he is getting them by spending lots of money on them he probably lacks the faculties to get a girl because the **my god** actually like him. I bartended for a lot of years and saw a lot of dirt bags like this comeing in and (trying) to cheat on their wives.

(6) Is he empathetic? If yes, then he probably knows how you would feel. If not, then he cant relate and will more likely be a hypocrite.

(7) Does he want things to come easy, or is he willing to work for something he wants. If the former, you are in trouble. These are the "quick fix" guys you want to stay away from.

(8) What does his ex girlfriends think of him? DUH! Don't take his word that they are psycho--and if they are what does that say about his taste. Probably he was a bad bf.

(9) Is he transparent or secretive? Ya, I know, girls like the "bad boys" because they assume that this is somehow correlated with confidence. Fact is, if he is transparnt about things then you have less to worry about. He wont let you start worrying for nothing. If something does come up, you will know because his demeanor will change.

(10) dont assume that because he is all lovely dovey in bits and spurts that he is not cheating on you. Maybe this is his guilt coming out.

Well this is just a bit of advice. Take it for what its worth--heuristic rules if you will.

[YF]

Oh about the "cheating women dont go looking for affairs" I beg to differ. There would, at least be a good adaptionist reason for this. (1) Diversity the genes of your offspring (hedging ones bet); (2) providing a secure environment for ones children, while dabling in the alpha male gene pool for "sexy sons". I think women have strong motivation to cheat (and keep it secret!) if they are in a relationship, at least from an evolutionary perspective it makes sense.

[sapphire]

Oh about the "cheating women dont go looking for affairs" I beg to differ. There would, at least be a good adaptionist reason for this. (1) Diversity the genes of your offspring (hedging ones bet); (2) providing a secure environment for ones children, while dabling in the alpha male gene pool for "sexy sons". I think women have strong motivation to cheat (and keep it secret!) if they are in a relationship, at least from an evolutionary perspective it makes sense.

You can't be serious!!

[YF]

Hey, I am just giving a evolutionarly sound reason. After all, up to 1 in 7 children are not really the father. So if you have 3 children there is a 50% one is not yours! Keep in mind too, that these are just the ones that "slipped by the goalie!" what about the ones that didn't?

[Wind In My Hair]

Good pointers about guys likely to cheat, YF. Sounds like only Mr Perfect would not cheat though!

And the theory that it's a biological instinct for women to cheat... I won't comment but have to say evidence is flimsy.

[Guest]

I never believe in Mr/Ms Perfect. Nobody's perfect. After all, we are just human with our flaws.

for YF, its ok to be bitter but aren’t you lucky enough that you knows about her adultery before you married her? Mostly Men or Women know about her husband/his wife cheating on her/him after they tie a knot.

[YF]

I wouldn't say you need to find "Mr Perfect". I know a lot of guys who would fit the bill. Sorry girls, they are all Canadian Basically what I outlined was a bunch of general character triats probably held by a genuinely good guy. Come on girls, it can't be that hard to find is it? Or does it have to do with girls attraction to "bad boys"? If thats the case I can't help you. Don't laugh, I have some guy friends who notoriously go after the girls you KNOW are going to treat them like crap and cheat on them (And they do). They call it "personality". I'll stick to the cute, fun, smart, genuine outgoing girls.

I am only a bit bitter. Now mostly, more careful. I didn't listen to my intuition--I always listen to my intuition--that was my mistake. I just need to be more vigalent next time.

I am not saying all girls will cheat, but I think there is a myth perpetuated that women don't and there are evolutionary reasons why they don't, or don't feel the need to. I was simply suggesting an alternative for which there is evidence for. I am not saying its correct, but it is one way to interpret the evidence. Hey, I would like to think its false, I am just being pragmatic.

[Just a thought]

I was at my girlfriend's (of 2 years) the otherday and she had left her MSN window open. Looking at it I saw that she had been bragging to her friend about how she slept with some guy on her recent 1-month vacation. From the sounds of it, this wasn't the first time. Needless to say I gave her the boot and NOW she is apologetic and remorseful.
)

To @#**@ with her! Well, that is if you're not cheating yourself. Today she's bragging on her cheats, next day she'll be bragging on how she cheated and get away with it!

My point is, you don't need to cheat. If the relationship sucks then break it, otherwise try to work it out. Bad relationship is no excuse for cheating. Same applies to both male and female. I'm no hypocrite, having multiple partner is physically satisfying but don't do it when you're in a relationship.

That's why we're on top of the animal kingdom because we know right and wrong.

But again it's just me..

[Been there, done that.]

A few tips from someone who knows. Here is a list of the main qualities in a man who will cheat.

1. He is very good looking. Forget the lies, good looking guys will always cheat in the end, they have too many chances not to.

2. He is a powerful man jobwise. This man will cheat his way through life even if he is a good man or a family man. These men think it is their right to do so. Likewise they think that even if they are old they still deserve 'the best' and will always choose young and beautiful, because, they can.

3. Low self esteem men, they will cheat to prove that they are worth something in the eyes of the world.

4. Men who travel worldwide or often. These men will almost always cheat either out of lonliness or boredom. Also they have the chance to.

5. Men who work with the younger generation are sometimes more likely to think they too are young and will very often marry more than once or have affairs.

6. Doctors are reknowned for it, because women think their job is cool. Ask any nurse what they are like.

7. Men in the advertising or entertainment industry have access to more beautiful women, and men in music industry worse of all.

8. Expat old fat men, even if single they will cheat as often as they can.

That just about covers most of the male population. Show me a man who will not cheat if he thought he could get away with it and I will show you either a saint or a liar.

[YF]

I disagree. I don't think he needs to be a saint! Its not that a guy might not LOOK, but that doens't translate into cheating! None the less, I think some of your observatons were quite valid.

Oh, on other thing maybe is a guy who rushes into marrige. I think that may express a certian kind of impulsiveness in which a guy is prone to cheat. You know, someone who gets all caught up in the passion and doesn't think about things in the long run.

My suggestion for girls is to get to know a guy as a friend first. I mean REALLY a friend. I think you want to see what he is like as a guy, not as a guy who is trying to get you in the sack. This SEEMS simple enough but its hard to do.

[sved]

A few tips from someone who knows. Here is a list of the main qualities in a man who will cheat.

1. He is very good looking. Forget the lies, good looking guys will always cheat in the end, they have too many chances not to.

2. He is a powerful man jobwise. This man will cheat his way through life even if he is a good man or a family man. These men think it is their right to do so. Likewise they think that even if they are old they still deserve 'the best' and will always choose young and beautiful, because, they can.

3. Low self esteem men, they will cheat to prove that they are worth something in the eyes of the world.

4. Men who travel worldwide or often. These men will almost always cheat either out of lonliness or boredom. Also they have the chance to.

5. Men who work with the younger generation are sometimes more likely to think they too are young and will very often marry more than once or have affairs.

6. Doctors are reknowned for it, because women think their job is cool. Ask any nurse what they are like.

7. Men in the advertising or entertainment industry have access to more beautiful women, and men in music industry worse of all.

And change "men" in "women" , it works too...

(I've remove the 8, i don't know any fat expat woman who cheats...)