Should it be known?

[lefthanded]

Further to the "Straying Wives" topic, I have a few questions which I would like to seek some opinion.

If your spouse/other half has gotten involved with someone else and the 3rd party has no idea that he/she has came in between, would you make it known to him/her?

Dunno how it will be perceived but I would think to make it known is not for revenge rather it's to let the 3rd party know so that he/she will not think that he/she is living in bliss? I mean, why not? Especially if you have been in living hell, why grant the 3rd party the indulgence?

[muratkorman]

How long do you think "the third party" can be kept as a secret? Usually women can sense the situation rather quick, but also men are not so dumb. Even if you don't let the third party know about your existing relationship, he/she will feel it somewhere along the way. On the other hand, it may also show that your relationship doesn't mean anything to anyone except you.

[FannyAdams]

Personally, my answer would be a resounding No. I mean, what the hell for? So that (best case scenario) the 3rd pty can apologise profusely and say, "well if I'd only known I would have never etc etc"

What difference would that really make? None. The issue is between the cheater and cheatee <-- made up word alert, for anyone intending to look that up

[Wind In My Hair]

Sadly I've just witnessed this exact scenario unfold in my friend's life this week. My friend was the unwitting third party, and the wife contacted her. At first she thought it was a prank but when the truth hit home, we realised what a jerk the guy had been. He'd been married a couple of years and dating my friend a lot longer than that. Never told her he'd gone ahead and married someone else.

As you can imagine, both women were devastated. I don't know what the guy is going through and I don't care. I never liked him and have been telling my friend to leave him for years. Although it's hard for me to watch her pain, at least I know my gut was right about the guy, and the good thing which my friend also realises is that now she can finally move on.

So should the wife tell? I don't know. But in this case I think it was a good thing she did. If not my friend could have wasted even more years of her life on this pathetic excuse of a man.

[lefthanded]

it may also show that your relationship doesn't mean anything to anyone except you.

Ouch! Sad but i guess it's so.

The issue is between the cheater and cheatee

And the cheated?

As for what WIMH said, whilst I sympathize your friend I think it took the wife in that story a lot of courage to confront. Sometimes some wives choose to suffer silently, maybe a lot of people would say not in this era but I have seen quite a few of the people around me went through the shit, some even repeatedly!

not trying to rub it in, but am just curious. did your friend ever question the man why did he choose to marry someone else instead?

when truth hits home the first question I'd asked myself was what have I not done enough?

[Wind In My Hair]

And the cheated?

As for what WIMH said, whilst I sympathize your friend I think it took the wife in that story a lot of courage to confront. Sometimes some wives choose to suffer silently, maybe a lot of people would say not in this era but I have seen quite a few of the people around me went through the shit, some even repeatedly!

not trying to rub it in, but am just curious. did your friend ever question the man why did he choose to marry someone else instead?

Both the wife and my friend were victims. I admire the wife and she handled it very well, giving my friend a chance to clarify the situation and remaining civil throughout. I'm just saying that sometimes it's not just the wife who is cheated on. There can be more than one 'cheated'.

I'm sure there are a million questions running through my friend's mind now. Whether she asks him that question or not is up to her - none of my business. In any case he's a proven liar, proven by both women comparing notes. I really don't think there's any point asking him anything since his honesty is in grave doubt.