Feeling lost in your new home..Unhappy expats is back!

[notwavingdrowning]

A: Now that that oh so popular topic is locked, where are we going to cringe & crib

B: Too bad for those yet to vent that their safe place has been locked

C: I am saddened by the turn that this post has taken because it was my understanding that this was not the original intention of this post

1: I have had a read through this thread, I hadn't seen it before today which is a shame, as I would have been able to be in from the start and share my feelings on Singapore and how tough it can be at times.

2: I agree 100% ...It does get hard here. I'm fairly young, married, not working and have no children so finding that sense of purpose is a constant battle for me.

3: I have my good days and my bad days. On my bad days I lie in bed and I cry. I feel alone and like no one understand. I beat myself up for not feeling lucky like other people say I am. I crave for irreplaceable and non-tangible things like my family and closest friends who know me inside and out. I mourn the loss of my successful and satisfying career (which has no equivalent in Singapore).

The above quotes have been lifted from my original thread: Looking for other Unhappy Expats: are you there?

I have started this new thread due to the lovely PM’s I have received from people thanking and telling me they were sorry it was now locked...This thread lasted for 4 weeks, ran 11 pages, attracted 152 posts and currently is running at 100 shy of 7000 views...The thread had run its natural course and was dramatically deviating off the course I had originally intended it to be on..

The only requirement for this thread is that you are homesick and feeling a little lost and you want to talk about it... But this does not define us...It’s just a side of us that we need to feel safe to express... I was depressingly homesick 2 weeks ago and this thread has helped me so much.



I am not kidding when I said I was depressed- I was scared at how sad I felt. It’s not about Race or Money...It’s about feeling alone and homesick. About wanting to express this without being looked at like a freak- which I was at a few early gatherings I went to when I expressed how I felt.

As I have posted in my update on my old thread- it’s now been 8 weeks since I arrived here and I am happy again - I am carving out a great new life and am living proof that it does get better...

[mrsmonkie]

One of the quotes you posted was from me. Thanks for reaching out to us

I get really tired of people rolling their eyes when they find out I don't work here and don't have a child/children. The lines such as "your husband earns the money and you spend it" gets very tiring.

I could go on and on about negative things about living here but I'm trying to embrace Singapore and think positively. It's too easy to fall into depression without your family and friends support network.

Quote #3 - My heart breaks for you. I hope you're feeling in a better place right now.

[astr]

MMWWWWAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

YOU K*CK *SS B*TCH

[Petales Soufflez!]

I have started this new thread due to the lovely PM’s I have received from people thanking and telling me they were sorry it was now locked...This thread lasted for 4 weeks, ran 11 pages, attracted 152 posts and currently is running at 100 shy of 7000 views...The thread had run its natural course and was dramatically deviating off the course I had originally intended it to be on..

Hey everyone- This thread means a lot to me and it has helped me and others so much. I want it to be a safe, friendly place expats can come and feel safe talking about the challenges they face living here...
Can I be so bold as to kindly ask everyone on this page to call a truce and accept things written here can be taken out of hand and what is often innocently written can be taken the wrong way...

I fear if we do not the thread will die...Please...We are all in the same boat on this lovely but often frustrating island. The only requirement for this thread is that you are homesick and feeling a little lost and you want to talk about it... But this does not define us...It’s just a side of us that we need to feel safe to express... I was depressingly homesick 2 weeks ago and this thread has helped me so much.



I am not kidding when I said I was depressed- I was scared at how sad I felt. It’s not about Race or Money...It’s about feeling alone and homesick. About wanting to express this without being looked at like a freak- which I was at a few early gatherings I went to when I expressed how I felt.

As I have posted in my update on my old thread- it’s now been 8 weeks since I arrived here and I am happy again - I am carving out a great new life and am living proof that it does get better...I welcome people here who feel or felt like I did..If this thread helps just one person the way it helped me: then it’s been worth all this typing...And of course your eyes in reading this LONG post...

NWD, I must say that I'm quite surprised to return to the forum after 3 weeks to see that your thread has been closed. On the positive side, negative + negative = positive as you seem to have found some footing on the island and are starting to make friends and a new life. I can only hope that this would help people like yourself to turn a negative experience into a somewhat positive one at the end of the day.

I am saying that not only because I hope that you'll get to enjoy my beloved island, but as someone who has been and am still living as an expat in different parts of the world, I understand how horrible it could be living away from our loved ones, careers, food etc. After more than a decade away from Singapore, I still feel that my life overseas is just "hanging" waiting for me to return home and continue where I've left off. Yet when I return home for holidays, I actually feel the same way about my time back home - so what's my real life?

But complaining and whinging can help to get some poison out of the system and turn it into something better especially if you have others in the same boat to commiserate with you and do something about it with you. I myself have been feeling pretty negative about Italy since arriving here a year ago but now that I've done my bit of complaining, I'm bored with just complaining and am ready to go on to the positive bits. Am starting to enjoy my stay here (though I doubt if I'll ever take to the things I perceive as negative here) and hope to have a great time from now on.

I do note with discomfort (not offense) the tone that some expats have taken vis-à-vis local participation in the forum or in expat gatherings. I certainly agree that there is room for all sorts of gatherings around and if some expats hold a gathering and insist that locals or children or dogs are not welcomed, they have the right to it. It's just the tone making us sound like lepers that I find a little worrying. After all, if you would have it, the gathering a priori would be held locally. Chez nous.

Otherwise, as a general rule nobody should gatecrash - unless to antagonise. So I do not see any need to start fighting about it either and spoil the thread.

I think that if locals like myself join your thread, we either hope to understand your unhappinness a little better and/or share with you our own. Taking offense or being defensive will not help you like Singapore any better. It has to come for you the way it should come for you.

All the best.

[EADG]

I still think your original intention for the thread is a good one, though some of my contemporaries may disagree.

You may want to try and keep a distinction to it being about here in Singapore vs. being an expat anywhere, as there are parallels that one would face just being out of one's own country.

I think that's what you've tried to do but others may not make that leap and turn it into a whinge-fest.

[masauds]

seems many un happy expats here

[notwavingdrowning]

EADG..I appreciate your feedback- I have pm'd you saying as much, but not sure exactly what you mean I should do now- If anything...

Update..I have just arrived home after spending a fantastic few hours with some great people I met thru my original thread..It was a meet set up by Ginny who now runs the "peas in a pod" thread..Was fun to say hello and chat with people who I formerly only knew as posts on a forum..

Thank you Ginny- a dozen really lovely people you got together- there really are some great people visiting this forum...hope it happens again!

Ps..I had to leave early due to the combo of alcohol and sun...not so suited to this little white duck

[EADG]

I don't think you should do anything - it seems useful as a thread for foreigners in Singapore to exchange experiences, frustrations, etc. with other foreigners in Singapore about life in Singapore, in a free setting, without being censored or condemned by those who are not in the same situation or who can't understand.

It's probably more useful than yet another thread about what any foreigner might experience in any country outside their home country such as home-sickness, loneliness because the husband is working, etc.

But that's just my opinion, it's your thread.

However since you've asked my opinion, the thought I had when I first saw the original thread was that I was reluctant to post to it, as I don't see myself as an "expat" (people whose companies pay their housing and other expenses), nor "unhappy" (those things I don't like about here don't make me unhappy).

EADG..I appreciate your feedback- I have pm'd you saying as much, but not sure exactly what you mean I should do now- If anything...

[maneo]

However since you've asked my opinion, the thought I had when I first saw the original thread was that I was reluctant to post to it, as I don't see myself as an "expat" (people whose companies pay their housing and other expenses), nor "unhappy" (those things I don't like about here don't make me unhappy).

Creating a new meaning for the word "expat"?

Some references for "expatriate":

American Heritage Dictionary
One who has taken up residence in a foreign country.

Dictionary.com
2. to withdraw (oneself) from residence in one's native country.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/expatriate

You sound like more of an true expat than those that are essentially mercenaries being bought and brought over with housing and expat packages.


Understand your point about making a distinction between the thread being a shout room for those trying to deal with being in SG and being about any foreigner in any really different country.
However, for those that must suffer being dragged along, the experience of anyone anywhere in a similar situation may be helpful for coping, when they are ready for that stage.
Isn't it all really about how to cope?

[Saint]

However since you've asked my opinion, the thought I had when I first saw the original thread was that I was reluctant to post to it, as I don't see myself as an "expat" (people whose companies pay their housing and other expenses), nor "unhappy" (those things I don't like about here don't make me unhappy).

I've always classed myself as a "Local Expat"

[sierra2469alpha]

... than those that are essentially mercenaries being bought and brought over with housing and expat packages....
However, for those that must suffer being dragged along, ...

Well I'm sure my wife will love being called a mercenary, and I'm not suffering for being "dragged along"...

P & C

[sundaymorningstaple]

Sure wish someone would've just dragged me along. The slog after a forty years is starting to get old!

[kookaburrah]

Just posting a little something to keep the thread alive.

This is a great source of information.

[bebe le chotchkey]

I really wish I would have been able to read the original thread...I have been here 4 weeks and I am feeling the things that you described...I have good days where I am busy and don't even realize much of the differences...but then there are bad days that I just hate it here...
I am very lonely, people here just aren't as polite and hospitable (not all people), anyway, I could go on and on...

[micknlea]

You can still read the original thread, it's here, http://www.singaporeexpats.com/forum/ft ... asc-0.html
you just can't post any more on it, that's what this one is for.

Here's hoping today is one of your good days.